Panic in Detroit (1 February 2016)

This is the truth (and coaches never lie, of course): the first album I bought, as a teenager not long in big school, was Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars. And Yes, I had that actual, discomforting experience watching Top of the Pops with my parents, not catching their eyes as David Bowie, eye make-up shimmering, androgynously snuggled up to his lead guitarist Mick Ronson as he sang about the Starman.

As our very own astronaut orbits overhead in the International Space Station, it is hard not to conclude that our first space man has left us.
I was strangely moved by Bowie’s death – my Walkman seemingly randomly selected Aladdin Sane on the very day – and I found myself looking over coaching ways to assist people in dealing with loss; of various kinds, to do with partners and friends mainly, break-up and death, but from others, too, like change in physical condition, in location, in job. Even where there are positive outcomes, and change was done for positive reasons, we can still end up feeling loss.

If you are experiencing loss that is fundamental to you, try this:

Draw a grid of your whole life with your lost aspect at the centre, e.g., if your relationship has ended. Think hard also about what else is important in life for you

                         Hobby          Leisure          Family

                               Health          Relationship   Friends

                               Career          Finances       Contribution

Now take away that lost item:

                         Hobby          Leisure         Family

                               Health                                Friends

                               Career         Finances       Contribution

OK, how does your life look now? Could be pretty bleak; a big, dark hole of loss. So look at the other elements; how about phoning those old friends you haven’t seen for years; doing that 10km charity run you keep getting emails about; seeing the new Star Wars movie; visiting your brother in Canada – he’s invited you many times.

The sense of loss won’t disappear; but it may become manageable, and eventually you can move forward with your life, and that hole will go.

All the best

Graham - email: - tel: + (44) (0) 7890 360 806 - skype: tigercoaching1