Appearances can be deceptive (10 February 2020)

Well, what did you expect? Those clothes, that haircut, that patronizing language, those views.... he's just like the rest of them, so predictable!

Or is he?

One way we have of coping with life is to group people; at the supermarket, on the train, at the airport, driving along the motorway, sitting in the cinema - we see individuals behaving in a certain way (we believe) that we don't like, and mentally put them in a group of people that (we also believe) behave in that exact same way.

I have been reading my favourite author again  recently, the Japanese novelist Haruki Murakami (not in the original Japanese, alas!). His novels and short stories always have an element of fantasy about them, especially the main and support characters; and the people always have a hidden, lost side that usually others do not see. This is ALL the characters: all of them lead more complex lives than others see of understand; and that complexity, when it is uncovered, shines light on the experiences that have helped shape them. 

All of us have such complexity; and often others do not have the time or patience to explore it, and therefore makements about us, as we do about them.

So much is missed in this way, that could enrich our encounters with people. So, if you find yourself tutting about someone on the train, try thinking: what has shaped that person, and what lies beneath?

all the best

Graham - email: - tel: + (44) (0) 7890 360 806 - skype: tigercoaching1